Sometimes I Feel Like I Don’t Know What I’m Doing

Welcome to the AAP blog. I'm so glad you're here. Get cozy while you read through stories of growing families and the life lessons I've picked up through the years.
For Brides
more categories

Toddler eating donut sitting on counter next to mom


This past month has been a little quieter for us online and on social media. Not for the lack of things to do, but simply because we’re just trying to get our footing while we have so many different things that need our attention. We’ve been dealing with a kitchen remodel that has seemed to take over our lives because of some awful water damage. And thankfully the largest project we’ve ever taken on together as a married couple is coming to an end soon! (If you ever want to test your marriage, the absolute best test is to work on a large project together!) Also, wedding season has finally started for me. I feel like I’ve been in hiding since November of last year only to come out of my hibernation for weddings. (It’s a MUCH welcomed change!) And, last but not least, we’ve made the very important (albeit, also scary) decision to…

homeschool our 5 year old daughter.

For the longest time it’s just been her and me. We usually start our mornings together with a cuddle in bed talking about the dreams we had the night before, whether or not we had a good rest, what we want to do that day, and what we’d like to make for breakfast. Even when she was an infant our mornings would start with bedtime cuddles and nursing, covering her in loads of kisses and chatting about the day. It’s just always how we’ve done things. And since I was a single parent when my son was her age, I never had the chance to do those things with him everyday. We were always rushing in for work or school, rushing home, rushing through dinner and bath time, and rushing to bed so we can do it all over again the next day. With her, since I have a home office and can spend the majority of my time with her, I have made it a point to relish in her growing up, meeting milestones, learning her ABC’s and numbers. I’ve been the one to teach her those things! For the first time in my life as a parent I’ve been solely responsible for teaching my child.


Homeschooling our Kindergarten aged daughter


When my husband and I started planning to have a child we knew that I would stay home with her. We even toyed with the idea early-on that I would homeschool her. But as the time came closer and closer for us to make that final decision, my husband was kind of on the fence. We weren’t homeschooled so we don’t have any personal experience with it. Neither of us knew where to start, and to be honest, even though I’ve spent the last month doing hardcore research, planning a curriculum, looking into co-op groups, enrolling in community events for hands-on activities – I STILL feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.

My heart has always wanted her near me as long as I could have her. I was the main driving force for homeschooling her. My husband, on the other hand, was skeptical. He didn’t want her to be behind other children her age and he wanted to make sure she had plenty of interaction with other children her age. So the night we made the final decision to move forward with homeschooling, I cried. When he said he was willing to give it a shot, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. The next morning I didn’t waste any time. I started planning.

I’m going to the best darned teacher I can be for her.

Laying on a white bed with little feet and mommy feet showing


I’ve been watching SO many of my friends homeschool multiple children at different grade levels and still successfully and enthusiastically run their photography businesses from home. These women have encouraged me, pushed me, inspired me, and shown me that it can be done – most of them not even realizing they’re doing it. Because of them I know that it is absolutely possible to lead and teach your children while giving your clients the best possible experience. I know it’s going to take quite a bit of organization (hey, that’s my strong suit!) and motivation but for my daughter and for my couples, I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

My binders are all laid out. I have a gazillion ideas pinned on Pinterest. My brain is on overload. I’m scared that I’m going to miss something important for our daughter. But you know what? I’m ready. I desperately want to still have those mornings where we cuddle and talk about our dreams instead of rushing off to get her on the bus. My heart longs for field trips that I can plan on our own schedule so I can actually watch her explore. I want to witness her first “AH-HA” moment when she learns how to add and subtract.

I know that I won’t be able to hold her forever, so for now I want to do my best at being the best teacher I can for her.

Comments +

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *